5 Things We Need in Our Lives: A Therapist's Observations...

What We Need in Our Lives: A Therapist’s Observations, by Jim Nolan

Something to look forward to. OK, I get the “Now” thing, and that’s coming up on this list. But Now, the way Now has been Nowed in the psycho-spiritual literature, is never enough for many of us. Sometimes “Now” is creating or dreaming a future joy and adventure, and THAT Now is just as legit as “I am aware of a twitch in my deltoid, and I hear the chirping of the little birdies…
For me, there are two categories of “looking forward to.” One is bigger stuff, trips, graduations, retirements, the things that happen only once in a while, and feel really special (plug in your own examples.) Looking forward to these events creates/causes Joy IN THE NOW—so how is that kind of “living in the future” a bad thing? Sorry, it’s not. It’s a GREAT thing. We all know it until we get too far down the Tollean vortex (and I love that guy, but also know he plans way the hell ahead how to sell his next book, CDs, MPEGs, concerts, and his Oprah appearances. They didn’t just HAPPEN. He planned them, no doubt joyfully. In his Now. Good for you, man…) The OTHER category of “looking forward to” is stuff built into our daily lives. I recently realized that I have a ton of the first category (trips especially), and very few of the latter (joys in my day to day), and I knew I had to make a change, and build some in. I’m on it. You might be really great at it, but I’m not…

Something like “Meaning”—bigger reasons why you’re doing what you’re doing—purpose, your contribution to the world—however you want to describe it… If you are spiritually-minded, you might find it in THOSE terms—the spiritual aspects of life. If you’re NOT, it might be more social, helping professions stuff, social justice, volunteerism, animal welfare, or a practice of Loving Compassion in your everyday workplace, with people that your “personality” might even find annoying. We’re not here just to take up space, suck air, eat, and croak. That can’t be it. If you believe the meaning or purpose in life does not INHERE in life itself, then create meaning for yourself. Be an Existentialist.

Joy/Satisfaction: Maybe for you, this is already covered in the first three sections of this rant. Good thing to think about. If it’s NOT, then you need to get on it. I realize that some political hipster views hold that joy is kind of selfish, or an unacknowledged right of those who hold privilege in this culture, and that’s OK, but I can’t get caught up in that game of “drag dude into the mud.” Not having any, thanks. We all have a right to joy, and access to it, somehow, somewhere. This is a pretty basic need, from my perspective.

Relationship: This can be your partner (if it is a GOOD partnership), friends, your Wire-Haired Fox Terrier, your cat, your business partner. Whatever. Most of us need connection—heck, even INFPs, who may not always need a TON of it. They/we still need it. We want/need to be seen, acknowledged, appreciated, and maybe we need to recognize that we are all in this together, we are all One, as they say. Whatever that means to you. Connection to other beings or even to Nature, is one of those things we seem to need…

Appreciation of Now, of the Moment…OK, having kicked “The Now” in the ass a few minutes ago, it certainly has its place in the Satisfying Life discussion. Appreciation, Gratitude, noting the Gifts we’ve been given, whether personally (characteristics about ourselves that we like), or in our environment (this fireplace at Ojo, the free Iconiks Coffee, the pleasant conversation I am having as I type with Fellow Travelers, the Buddha Bar music they’re playing in this area, the sense of satisfaction I am feeling in this moment in writing this article. Yeah, that’s good stuff…) Personally, I like a balance between THIS Now, and anticipating New Orleans in two weeks, the hot tubs when they open in twenty minutes, India and Nepal next year, lunch in the Artesian Restaurant in a couple hours…

The Now and Anticipation are not really different. Actually, they are both different ways of being in the Now…So if Now is looking ahead to Katmandu, and if that brings joy and an enhanced sense of being alive, then Anticipation is not such a bad way to spend a little Now, is it?

Those are some of the things we need…

That’s my take on it this morning, anyway. We may also need to express ourselves, and to share our thoughts and feelings out into the world. So that is what I am doing in the early dawn at Ojo Caliente Mineral Springs, New Mexico, on this February morning…

Text me at 505.699.7616

Jim Nolan, Therapist and Life Coach…